I want to complain. I have been advocating for women's equality all my life, and today I needed to start all over again. True, I had the too-early-morning crankiness. Still 3 things hit me wrong before lunch.
First, I read a post on sacred sex by David Deida which set me off. He said women begin their journey with their through a focus on beauty. Men approach from the meaning of their lives. I cleaned it up. His statement was
"The feminine sexual essence identifies with the love-light of being ("How do I look? Am I loved and loving?") and the masculine with the freedom of being ("What is my purpose? Am I successful and free?"). Spiritual growth, for women and men, is about growing from superficial to deeper levels of these identities."
Really? Women begin with the concern about appearance and men with an eye to freedom? Is that some kind of excuse for bad behavior on both parts? What about little girls who revel in the joy of movement and play? Who love roaming free? What about little boys who love their mommys and daddys and sacrifice their last dime to help them out? What about teenagers who hook up too early because they fear freedom? What about the vanity of a boy with a zit in the middle of the forehead? These are not sex linked characteristics. They are cultural.
Oh he meant the sexual essence. Nah. no difference. Both sexes want to know if they look stunning without their clothes, especially when they are young. They also resist control and limits, though women soon learn to accept them out of necessity. They we have the opportunity to unlearn that acceptance. Our souls have male and female essence combined in them because they are the eternal us. Our real journey to oneness is a balanced walk of the many genders humans express.
Deida did say those statements were a person's starting points and that we all seek to evolve into oneness. Not very much consolation there for me. If a woman does not find her purpose in life, stretch her wings in pure freedom to be who she is, she isn't likely to seek oneness as an equal. As a friend of mine said when we began writing our community's book on Sacred Sex, when the two become one, which one? The male. that's why women give up their names more times than not. They also take on a different identity--his.
That identity and naming issue is more complicated than I can address here. You might want to check out what I wrote in Identity and the Quartered Circle. This blog is a rant about feminism, not identity. On to point 2.
Going along in the car, my partner had a country station on the radio. Because he was on the way to the doctor and in a lot of pain, I acquiesced. The rhythms and harmonies aren't so bad if you can get passed the fake southern accents. And the lyrics. I lost count of how many guys were singing songs to women leaving them in order to score one last lay. What part about "I never want to see you again" means "Let's go to bed?" What are they thinking? That they are so skilled in the sack the women will readily see the error of their ways and stay put? Or maybe they intend to prick a hole in the condom and get her pregnant? The songs sound so poignant and sweet. He wants something to remember me by! Just be sure he doesn't take pictures. My teeth were on edge.
Then I heard a series of radio the ads for some skin cleansing program by Danica Patrick, race car driver . The script trivialized this powerful woman as she pretended the mechanics were talking to her about her skin instead of her car. She came across like a female ditz that somehow happened to fall into a lucky opportunity to race fast cars. I am sure she was well paid to sound like an idiot. I hope she understood what the boys were doing. She is pretty smart. She probably decided to laugh all the way to the bank. On the other hand, those commercials reinforce the stereotypes about women not being competitive because...well why? Oh because women begin their journey by focusing on their beauty. Do the ad gurus on country stations read Deida? I doubt that. This stereotype is so ingrained in our culture, we get stuck with it all the way from red necks to tantic gurus who ought to know better.
End of rant. Except to say, when I commented on the Patrick ad to Eric, he didn't see it as demeaning. Maybe he was in too much pain to pay attention. Ya think?
